Is the following noise
1) The sound of a trap door opening below Theresa May’s twitching feet after being found guilty of treason and being the worst Prime Minister ever?
2) The sound of Sadiq Khan being taken outside and shot for being the worst Mayor of any city anywhere?
3) Me opening the champagne on hearing next Monday’s news?
No, you are all wrong, it is the sound of a heat stressed window exploding in the Civic Centre last Tuesday evening and it wouldn’t be a flute of champagne anyway, it would be a gill of something stronger.