I am afraid I have always been a techno-nerd. As a teenager I would blag my
way into the projection box of the local Odeon to thread projectors with film
and adjust the arc lamps while school mates blagged their way on to the footplates of steam locomotives. Petty
fogging rules have since taken all the fun out of life.
My interest in cinema technology stayed with me and in the 1960s helped make
a short film which had a one night screening at the National Film Theatre. More recently
I wangled a ticket into BAFTA to see the first digital film presentation in the UK, although even
that is rather a long time ago now. However I more or less stopped going to the
cinema 30 years ago. A combination of smoking, audiences who could not stay
quiet or still for a couple of hours and mediocre quality sound.
As a result I view a lot of films at home but I have
recently felt the need to remind myself how
the two experiences compared and the new StoryTeller in Sidcup provided the incentive.
My first visit ever to a London cinema south of the Thames.
I
resisted the temptation to buy a pack of Maltesers at a 247% mark up on
Sainsbury’s price - I diverted on the way home to check - and instead paid an
extra £1·05 to watch the latest Indiana Jones. No complaints on Tuesday’s ticket price.
What follows is a review from a techno-nerdְ’s
perspective. It may appear critical but StoryTeller is probably every bit as good as any other modern cinema
- IMAX and the like excepted.
Screen 2 is a nice little 35 seater and the staff were friendly enough. The lady
sitting next to me complained that the back of the seats reclined too much and
she found them uncomfortable and I agreed but soon forgot about it. Some
adjustment may have been nice.
As expected the programme began with 20 minutes of adverts and to be honest the
presentation can only be described as poor. A relative postage stamp of a
picture on a bigger unmasked white screen. If I had allowed that at the Odeon I am
sure I would not have been invited back.
Fortunately when the main feature began, things improved considerably but the
image lacked the contrast of a high spec OLED screen and the black levels were
pretty awful. Whether that is a feature of digital projection I simply do not
know because I have nothing recent to compare it with. I saw 1917, Dunkirk and Midway
in an Enfield Cineworld a few years ago and do not recall black levels being an issue but
maybe I have become even fussier.
What was less than brilliant was the audio quality which is why I stopped going
with North London friends to their local cinema in Enfield. That and Covid of course. I clearly
remember saying to them as we exited how disappointing the audio quality was and
they probably sighed having heard it all before.
It was the same in Sidcup today. I felt the sound could have been turned up a
notch but one shouldn’t be too critical of that. Some people do not like things
to be played at a realistic level and a compromise must be struck.
There were ten visible loudspeakers on the walls and probably three more behind
the screen. I counted six brief occasions during Indiana Jones and the Dial of
Destiny when the side speakers became active and the rear ones never. Very
little in the deep bass department either. This may be as good as the source
material gets, the film was running from a hard drive and Disney is notorious
for inferior digital encoding, I will have to buy the 4K disc when it is
released to check how good it is and compare.
Throughout the film I felt I was listening to Dolby Digital on a DVD which can
be OK but several steps down from Dolby Atmos on a Blu-ray. Nerds can easily hear the
difference on decent equipment. Overall the sound simply lacked the impact of my
home system. Never did it thump me in the chest and the aural definition simply
wasn’t there. A blurred round the edges sort of effect. Maybe the visible
loudspeakers being nothing special and far cheaper than my own is a factor.
Overall I was happy enough
with the outing because it confirmed that spending too much money on a
home system was not quite as mad as I sometimes think; but at a real cinema the
downsides remain as they always were.
There was no smoking obviously but the four young people in front of me
occasionally slightly obscured the view and several times got up for more supplies of fast
food. Gone for at least 15 minutes on one occasion, what is the point of doing
that during a film show?
The moment the visuals finished the lights came on, everyone headed to the exit
and the cleaner came in (lights because of Health & Safety I suppose) but I am afraid I sat there for ten minutes or more
reading the credits to see who did what and where.
The New York scenes were filmed in Glasgow.
Right at the end it said Dolby Atmos. I am not sure I believe it unless the Blu-ray turns out to be the worst ever disc.
Thank you to the cleaner who left me undisturbed.
I probably won’t be in a hurry to go back but that is just me, I am not your
typical film enthusiast. You will probably enjoy StoryTeller and with luck you won’t have
Jack-in-the-Box sitting in front of you.
With no loop line train and no parking that I know of Sidcup is not very
accessible to me. I allowed an hour and a half for the bus journey but with a
total waiting time of about 15 seconds the connections could not have been
better. 65 minutes for a 15 minute car journey and one of Khan’s diesel buses -
a 301 - nearly choked me to death spewing fumes into the cabin throughout
the journey. And he has the gall to drive the rest of us off the road.